When Toya was 12 years old, her world was turned upside down when her dad unexpectedly showed up at her mom’s house, accompanied by his new wife and six children. Toya and her mother were taken aback; it had been three long years since they had seen him. Toya was his only child, and the last news she had heard from her aunt was that he was in another state, on the run from the police.
Toya’s mom was furious, her anger simmering beneath the surface. After all, she hadn’t received child support in over five years. The last check had arrived at a measly $1.08. But she was skilled at masking her rage. To everyone else, she appeared composed. Toya, however, could read her mother like an open book.
That evening, they all sat outside on the front porch. Toya’s mom made it clear that she wouldn’t be letting any strangers into her house, especially her dad. She peppered her dad’s new wife with questions, curious about how they had met and how long she had known him. Toya’s new stepmom replied that they had met in Los Angeles, California. As the conversation unfolded, Toya stared up at the moon, feeling a strange longing—it seemed closer than ever, and for a moment, she imagined she could reach out and touch it.
Toya was stunned by her mom’s unpredictable behavior. In one breath, her mother engaged in polite conversation with her father and his new wife, while Toya waited anxiously for her to unleash the torrent of emotions she must have felt inside. Considering her dad’s past—a three-time felon with a rap sheet the size of a dictionary—Toya knew her mother could have said plenty about him. But surprisingly, she remained silent, allowing him to bask in the facade of normalcy.
Toya’s new step-siblings were all older than her, ranging from 13 to 19 years old, with one of the boys already an adult. They appeared to be a close-knit group, laughing and joking together, while Toya felt more like an outsider. When her dad extended an invitation for her to spend the upcoming Christmas holidays with them, Toya’s mother immediately shot it down.
“I’m not ready for you to go to another state for an extended visit without me,” she asserted firmly.
For the first time, Toya found herself agreeing with her mom.
The following year, things between Toya and her mother had become strained. They seemed to argue every day, their relationship unraveling under the weight of frustration and misunderstandings. In a moment of exasperation, her mom called Toya’s dad and decided to send Toya to California for the summer, believing it would be better for both of them. She even bought her a plane ticket without consulting her.
Toya felt a mixture of anxiety and uncertainty about what to expect in a different state. She had never been away from her mom for more than two days, and those were spent at basketball camp where she cried every night from homesickness.
When she finally arrived at the airport in California, Toya stepped off the plane, scanning the crowd for her dad. But there was no sign of him. Her heart sank, thinking he was once again playing the role of the irresponsible and neglectful parent. With just $47 in her pocket and a rumbling stomach, she decided to stop at Pappasito’s for a quick meal.
It was thirty minutes later when her oldest stepbrother, Xan, approached her. “Mind if I have some of your fajitas?” he asked, a serious look on his face. Though she was reluctant to share, she handed him a taco, wishing she didn’t have to part with any of her food.
An hour later, they drove into a small country town, pulling up to a tiny wooden house situated on five acres of land. It was nothing like the glamorous Los Angeles Toya had seen on TV. The property was filled with cows, chickens, and goats, and Toya felt a strange mix of fascination and disappointment. Her gaze was drawn to a vibrant garden brimming with colorful fruits and vegetables. She wandered over to introduce herself to her stepmom, who was sipping wine in the garden. “You can call me Ms. Judy,” her stepmom said, but Toya insisted on calling her “stepmom,” wanting to establish a sense of closeness.
As she entered the house, Toya caught sight of her dad, lounging outside beside the garage with an unfamiliar guy, smoking a joint. Inside, the house felt cramped. There were only three rooms, and now Toya had to share a room with three other girls, all of whom had bunk beds. The boys shared another room next door, and they all had to share a single bathroom. Gone were the days of leisurely thirty-minute showers; now, Toya was restricted to five minutes—seven at most.
To make matters worse, there was a weekly chore list that everyone had to follow. Toya was responsible for washing dishes and doing her own laundry. What stung the most was the realization that she had to ask permission every time she wanted to eat something from the kitchen.
On top of that, she found herself milking cows, collecting eggs, and cleaning fish whenever her dad went fishing. Even the few candy bars she indulged in had to be shared with her siblings, which led her to start hiding her belongings. However, it didn’t take long for them to discover her hiding spots.
As the days rolled on, Toya fell into a deep depression, feeling more and more homesick. The first week in California felt unbearable, and she longed to return to Houston, Texas, where she felt safe and loved. Despite her pleas to her mom to let her come home, she was told she had to stay. “You’re on vacation,” her mother insisted, unaware of the turmoil Toya was experiencing.
Toya found herself sleeping throughout the day, only waking around dinner time. Her step-siblings, busy with their jobs or summer school, went to bed early, leaving Toya with the quiet house. In those solitary hours, she indulged in her favorite television shows, grateful for the access to Showtime and HBO that kept her entertained.
On weekends, her two oldest step-brothers would venture out to pick up their girlfriends from the gentleman’s club between 3:00 and 4:00 AM. Xan’s girlfriend, Susie, drove a sleek drop-top BMW with shiny, glistening 20-inch rims. She often let Xan borrow her car, which meant Toya could hitch a ride when he went to collect her.
When Susie worked late, they sometimes wandered into the club. It was the most fascinating scene Toya had ever encountered. She used to think that Six Flags was the best place in the world, but this club was something entirely different. The atmosphere was intoxicating, and the pulsating energy mesmerized her. Surrounded by dollar bills scattered across the floor and stage, with half-naked women captivating the crowd, Toya thought she had discovered paradise. She couldn’t wait for her own chance to grow up and possibly work in a place like that one day.
Toya didn’t spend a lot of time with her step-sisters; they didn’t share the same interests or go out for fun like Xan did. However, she grew close to Susie over time. On Susie’s days off, she would pick Toya up, drop the top on her BMW, and take her to the mall or for a leisurely day out.
Susie encouraged Toya to engage with guys, challenging her to see how many phone numbers she could collect. “Your Texas accent is attractive to California guys,” Susie would say, taking Toya under her wing. With her help, they explored the local scene, meeting new people and having fun, a welcome distraction from the difficulties Toya had faced since moving.
For Toya’s 13th birthday, her stepmom organized a spectacular celebration before they returned to Texas. The festivities included a lively parade featuring dance teams, and her stepmom enlisted the entire community to contribute dishes for a beach party. There were hamburgers, lamb chops, and an array of baked, fried, and grilled fish, providing enough food to last everyone the entire week.
Later that evening, Susie and some of her friends from the club came over to join Toya’s sleepover. Eagerly, Toya turned to Susie and asked about her birthday present. Susie laughed, assuring her she would get her gift later.
Around 2:00 AM, Toya’s stepmom excitedly announced that she had found the scariest movie she could think of: Halloween. With more than 30 guests settled in for the night at Toya’s dad and stepmom’s house, the atmosphere crackled with energy. Exhausted from the day’s events, Toya took a shower, then grabbed her blanket and pillow before lying down on the floor between her stepsisters. Everyone else at the sleepover consisted of guys and friends of her stepbrothers, creating a lively and bustling environment around her.
Toya was asleep while the credits on the movie were still showing. It wasn’t long before she was awakened by someone under her covers. It took her a while to open her eyes as she squirmed herself awake. Finally, she pulled up the blanket she was lying under, and she saw a faded haircut with deep waves and another head with an Afro. The guy with the afro looked up at Toya and put his pointer finger in front of his lips, telling her to be quiet. She wanted to scream as one of them pulled down her pants. Then Susie came and sat near her on the couch while the two guys licked her in different places. Susie told her to just chill and allow them to show her what it felt like to be a woman. Susie told her that since she was 13 years old, she was a woman now and she needed to start doing womanly things.
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